Just in time: holiday travel “ice breakers”

“Would you mind switching seats?”

From the Bureau of Travel Statistics:

“During the 6-day Thanksgiving travel period, the number of long-distance trips (to and from a ­destination 50 miles or more away) increases by 54 percent, and during the Christmas/New Year’s Holiday period the number rises by 23 percent, compared to the average number for the remainder of the year.”

UPI:

“AAA, based in Florida, said its Holiday Travel Forecast projects 43.4 million U.S. residents will travel at least 50 miles from home for Thanksgiving.”

 Weather Channel:

“If you are traveling this weekend, Winter Storm Boreas will bring snow and ice to parts of the Southwest and the Southern Plains. Some of this wintry weather may spread as far east as Dallas/Ft. Worth by Sunday.”

Some will nestle into their electronic devices, curl up with Sky Mall, or try and pretend that the person next to them is not happening. But, come on, travel is a chance to engage in democracy, feel the pulse of the nation (you’ll be close enough), or, as my mother often urged us, to “make friends.”

A few “ice breakers” may be all you need to get started. If you’re flying, you’ll certainly have plenty of time to get to know your fellow travelers waiting in line for your full-cavity search, or on the run-way. Have a great holiday, and we’ll look for you in the obligatory “holiday travel snarl” piece on the local news. Try and look aggrieved. Just for us.

                           Ice breakers

“You know they’re watching us, don’t you?

“Can I borrow your phone?”

“Sorry, I just can’t shake this cold.”

“Can we switch seats?”

“Do you like movies?”

“Who cut the cheese?”

“Feel free to catch a few ZZZZs.”

“You only live once, right?”

“Do you smell something burning?”

“I paid for that arm rest.”

“What are you reading?”

“Does this look like head lice?”

“You voted for that #$@!, didn’t you?”

“My thong’s riding up my crack.”

“You won’t believe what happened to me today.”

“The doctor said it could be bird flu, but come on, what do they know?

“Are you Jewish?”

“What’d you pay for your ticket?”

“There’s only one thing left to do. You know what I mean, right?”

“You get any closer and we’re going to have to get engaged. Hahahah.”

“Anyone got change for a twenty?”

“First round’s on me.”

“Seriously, does anyone really think this barf bag will do the job?”

“Can I have your pretzels?”

“Where are you going?”

“That sudoku #$@%’s for losers.”

“What do you know? The witness decided not to testify.”

“You heard the one about why planes don’t have urinals?”