That’s Golf! Giant cod edition

“I’ve been the golf pro here for 20 years,” head pro Peter Evans told The Sun, “and never seen anything like it.’”

That’s Golf! Script January 19, 2014  SportsTalk AM 1300 The Zone, Austin, TX

HERE’S A FISH STORY. THE HEADLINE: “GIANT 12 LB FISH WASHED UP ONTO SEASIDE GOLF COURSE BY MASSIVE WAVES.” THIS IN WALES. A MAGICAL PLACE, PORTHCAWL. THE MAIL HAD THE STORY.

A BIG COD. THEY DIDN’T WEIGH IT BUT IT LOOKED LIKE ABOUT 12 POUNDS. ROYAL PORTHCAWL, A WONDERFUL, HISTORIC COURSE. AS IT HAPPENS THE MEN’S ENTRANCE IS ON ONE SIDE OF THE CLUB, THE FRONT. THE WOMEN’S ENTRANCE IS AROUND THE BACK, AND THE COMMON AREA IS IN THE MIDDLE. I ACTUALLY HAD LUNCH WITH A GROUP OF MEN IN THE LADIES LOUNGE, FOR SOME REASON.

THE GIANT COD APPEARED ON THE THIRD GREEN. SAID PRO PETER EVANS:  “The tide came over onto the fairway of the third hole. We went to clear up and saw this huge fish lying there. It was a decent size – we didn’t weigh it, but it looked over 12lbs. I’ve been the golf pro here for 20 years and never seen anything like it.’ THEY HELD A WALKER CUP AT PORTHCAWL, ONE OF MY FAVORITE COURSES. AS THE U.S. RYDER CUP TEAM AT CELTIC MANOR LEARNED, WELSH WEATHER IS NOT TO BE TRIFLED WITH.

…DID YOU SEE THE COMMENT EARLIER IN THE WEEK FROM PHIL MICKELSON?

“I can’t recall,” SAID PHIL, “the last time I had a round without a birdie.”  He’s in the United Arab Emirates. HIS LACKLUSTER 70 WAS FOLLOWED BY A SPARKLING 63. HE FINISHED TIED FOR SECOND WITH RORY MCILORY A SHOT BACK. “But,” HE ADDED OF THAT ROUND WITHOUT A BIRDIE, “didn’t make a bogey there until the last.”

I’M SURE 26 MILLION AMERICAN GOLFERS CAN EASILY RECALL THE LAST ROUND THEY HAD WITHOUT A BIRDIE WITHOUT MUCH DIFFICULTY.

THIS WEEK WE ALSO LEARN THAT 2013 MARKED THE EIGHTH STRAIGHT YEAR THAT MORE COURSES CLOSED IN THE U.S. THAN OPENED. ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL GOLF FOUNDATION THAT DOES THE MATH, 66 PERCENT OF THE CLOSINGS WERE COURSES WITH GREEN FEES BELOW $40.

…ON THAT HAPPY NOTE, GOOD MORNING. THE ENDEAVOR IS TO ENHANCE OUR UNDERSTANDING AND APPRECIATION OF GOLF….

APPARENTLY, IT’S AWARDS SEASON. QUICK THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU FOR THE WRITE-IN VOTES IN THE RECENT AUSTIN CHRONICLE POLL. I AM A LITTLE PERPLEXED, HOWEVER, WITH THE NOMINATION FOR BEST NEW RAP/HIP HOP ARTIST. I WAS LEANING  MORE TOWARDS “AVANT GARDE/EXPERIMENTAL.” NEVERTHELESS…

…YOU SHOULD ALSO KNOW THAT ‘THAT’S GOLF’ WILL NEVER COLLECT, TRACK, MINE OR HACK YOUR GOLF META-DATA. YOUR GAME IS YOUR OWN PROBLEM. THAT FOUR-PUTT IS NOT BEING ANALYZED HERE IN THE SOPHISTICATED SHAG-ENCRUSTED CONFINES BY A TEAM OF COMPUTER NERDS. (BUT HONESTLY, IF YOU DON’T MIND MY SAYING: IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU’RE HAVING FOR BREAKFAST??? AND, FOR GOD’S SAKES, PUT ON SOME PANTS. AND…THERE’S SOMETHING ON YOUR CHIN. YOU MIGHT WANT TO WIPE THAT UP. THAT’S IT. MUCH BETTER.)

I’M GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

HERE’S SOME OF THE TOPICS WE WON’T BE DISCUSSING THIS HOUR: DENNIS RODMAN, BENGHAZI, PAINFUL ITCHING AND SCRATCHING, AND FOURTH-QUARTER HOUSING STARTS.

OUR INSPIRATIONAL TEXT COMES FROM THE BOOK, “CONSCIOUS GOLF,” THE THREE SECRETS OF SUCCESS IN BUSINESS, LIFE AND GOLF.

THE AUTHOR, DR. GAY HENDRICKS, HAS A PH D IN COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY FROM STANFORD, AND HAS WRITTEN MORE THAN 30 BOOKS, INCLUDING TWO WE’LL TALK ABOUT WITH HIM NEXT SEGMENT. NEVER TOO SOON IN THIS NEW YEAR TO DELVE BETWEEN THE EARS.

HE WRITES:

WHEN I WAS FIRST STUDYING BREATHING IN THE EARLY 1970S, I RAN AN EXPERIMENT WITH A GROUP OF SIXTH GRADE GIRLS WHO WERE PLAYING BASKETBALL IN GYM CLASS. WE LET ONE GROUP SHOOT FOUL SHOTS WHILE A SECOND GROUP SAT WITH THEIR EYES CLOSED. INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY SHOOTING BASKETS, THIS SECOND GROUP REPEATED THE FOLLOWING MIND-BODY SEQUENCE: TAKE A DEEP BREATH, AND VISUALIZE

A SUCCESSFUL FOUL SHOT. AFTER TWENTY MINUTES, WE HAD EACH GIRL IN THE CLASS TO THE FOUL LINE AND SHOOT TEN SHOTS IN A ROW. THE BREATH-VISUALIZATION GROUP GREATLY OUTPERFORMED THE GROUP THAT HAD BEEN ACTUALLY SHOOTING BASKETS. THE GIRLS ON THE COURT WERE AMAZED, AS WAS THEIR PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHER, BUT IT WAS THE EXPERIMENTERS WHO WERE REALLY THRILLED. THIS LITTLE EXPERIMENT LET ME KNOW THAT MIND/BODY SKILLS LIKE CONSCIOUS BREATHING AND MENTAL IMAGERY COULD BE OF BENEFIT TO PEOPLE WITH MINIMAL ATHLETIC SKILL.

AND THANK GOODNESS, BECAUSE ALTHOUGH I AM ENTHUSIASTIC, I AM DEFINITELY IN THE UNNATURAL RATHER THAN NATURAL ATHLETE CATEGORY. AS MY GOLF TEACHER SAID UPON OBSERVING ME FOR THE FIRST TIME: I DON’T KNOW IF THERE’S SUCH A THING AS A NATURAL GOLF SWING, BUT IF THERE IS, YOU DEFINITELY HAVEN’T GOT IT. SO PLEASE DO NOT THINK YOU NEED TO BE A WORLD-CLASS ATHLETE TO BENEFIT FROM CONSCIOUS BREATHING.

…DR. HENDRICKS FROM “CONSCIOUS BREATHING.” WE’LL TALK ABOUT IT NEXT SEGMENT.

PLEASE DON’T HOLD YOUR BREATH UNTIL THEN – CONSCIOUSLY OR UNCONSCIOUSLY.