Talking Elmer

by Al Pastor

Inside the Bud Light Hazmat studios.

Inside the Bud Light Hazmat studios.

“The question is not ‘Will a toy break?’” said Rachel Rothman, technical manager and engineering director for the Good Housekeeping institute, as she studied the children around her. “It’s how will it break.”

NYT, 11/30/13, “Seeking Top Toys, Good Housekeeping Puts Them to Test” p. B1

Script for That’s Golf! 12/1/13 SportsTalk AM 1300 The Zone, KVET-AM, Austin, TX

               THE FIRST OF OUR ANNUAL “CHRISTMAS IN DECEMBER” SHOWS. I TRUST YOU SURVIVED THANKSGIVING IN TACT, AND THAT EVERYONE IS STILL SPEAKING. IF NOT, WELL, THAT JUST SETS THE RIGHT TONE FOR THE HOME STRETCH TO HOLIDAY CRUNCH-TIME. IT’LL SIMPLIFY GIFT-GIVING.

IF THAT WAS BLACK FRIDAY, WELCOME TO BLACK AND BLUE SUNDAY.

I HAVEN’T SEEN ANY STUDIES. RADIO MAY ENHANCE THE EFFECTS OF L-TRYPTOPHAN. SEVERAL LISTENERS ANECDOTALLY REPORT HOW USEFUL THIS PROGRAM CAN BE TO PICKING UP AN EXTRA HOUR OF REST. WE’RE HAPPY TO PROVIDE THAT THERAPEUTIC BENEFIT.

SIXTEEN YEARS PLUS. THE LONGEST-SCRAMBLING GOLF RADIO SHOW IN TEXAS. A CONSECUTIVE CUT STREAK ELDRICK WOODS HIMSELF WOULD ENVY. OUR ENDEAVOR IS TO ENHANCE OUR APPRECIATION AND UNDERSTANDING OF GOLF, A GAME OF:

  • DISCOVERY,
  • DISSATISFACTION,
  • DISTANCE,
  • DISCOURSE,
  • DISDAIN,
  • DISCRETION
  • DISCUSSION
  • DISFAVOR,
  • DISENCHANTMENT,
  • DISMAY,
  • DISGUST,
  • DISTURBANCE,
  • DISQUIET,
  • AND DISTINCTION. (THAT’S JUST FOR STARTERS.)

OUR PROGRAM. NO CHARGE. UNLIKE THE LATEST ‘HUNGRY GAMES’ OR ‘LARRY POTTER’ MOVIES.  

MAYBE THIS MORNING YOU’RE ON YOUR WAY TO GET IN LINE TO PICK UP A “TALKING ELMER” FOR YOUR CHILD. THE HOT NEW, MUST-HAVE TOY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON.

YOU KNOW, I DON’T GIVE ADVICE BUT YOU MIGHT WANT TO CONSIDER GETTING YOUR CHILDREN SOMETHING THAT WILL REALLY HELP THEM GET A LEG UP IN SCHOOL. SHOW THEM YOU LOVE THEM. GIVE THEM A HEAD START ON LIFE. IMAGINE THE JOY ON CHRISTMAS MORNING WHEN UNDER THE TREE, JUST FOR THEM, THE FIRST OF A SET OF THE ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA. WONDERFUL GIFT. START WITH LETTER “A” AND IN TWO TO THREE YEARS YOUR CHILD WILL BE ABLE TO RESEARCH EVERYTHING FROM AARDVARKS TO ZEBRAS RIGHT IN YOUR OWN HOME. SOMETHING THEY’LL TREASURE, AND BE ABLE TO PASS ALONG TO THEIR CHILDREN. CERTAINLY SO MUCH MORE MEANINGFUL THAN ANOTHER TALKING ELMER.

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